More than 5 hours of sleep.
With a slight headache and droopy eyelids from consecutive sleepless nights, I was more than ready to have just that as soon as I had replied to messages I have slighted over the weekend. But just as I was about to close my browser and shut down the laptop, a new private message in Facebook popped up.
Someone was asking me if I could attend to an urgent writing task.
As politely as I could, I turned down the favor. I am no stranger to writing all night, and it would have been okay for me to take up the request on any other day. But I could not just say yes to everything given the state I am in.
And this is not even just about my lack of sleep.
Now, I know what I do is not really much of a chore. Yet as I was proofreading a draft I was about to submit last week, I noticed how I cannot even perceive myself reading what I wrote. I was that detached from the paper I was working on. All the letters and words spread out before me made me feel like I was staring at mere symbols both weird and familiar at the same time, all but which failed to evoke any meaning or emotion from me as a reader.
If that is not an indication of a failed writer, then I do not know what is.
I have been wondering if that was just an instance of semantic satiation, and a wakeup call for me to enrich my vocabulary so I would not have to keep using the same words over and over in speech or in writing. Or maybe it was a simple case of burnout, with me getting tired of the seemingly mechanical nature of my duty. After all, mindless repetition tends to make that which is repeated lose significance over time, right?
So sorry if I don’t say I love you enough. But I digress.